Which Sex Position is Best for you – and Why?
December 1, 2009
You’ll have noticed the surprising thing here is that man on top is not number one on either the men’s or the women’s list of preferences, yet we know that more couples have more sex in the man on top position than any other. So why do men and women say that they prefer rear entry, woman on top and spooning to man on top sex positions?
I think the answer is perhaps that most couples really like the man on top position, but they think it might seem a bit boring or conventional, so their answers to the question “Which sex position do you prefer?” really reflects the positions which they fantasize about or think are more exciting!
But there aren’t really any surprises in the positions men say they prefer. Certainly, we’d all expect rear entry to be high on men’s list of favorites. It’s a position which most men find irresistible, with a very arousing view of one’s partner inviting one to make love with abandon, in a raw, powerful, masculine style. Since most men like to see the “ins and outs” of lovemaking, so to speak, this position is very exciting and often arouses men so much that they cannot last particularly long! This may make the position rather less than satisfying for women, although when a couple are enjoying rear entry sex, a woman does have the opportunity to show the powerful side of her sexual nature, and she can make love with lust and passion. It’s only likely to be unappealing for a woman if she has issues with her body, or she thinks her man will see her body at its worst when she’s exposed to his gaze like this. (A note for women readers – your man probably cares a lot less about the appearance of your naked body than you do…he’s about to make love with you, for one thing, and he probably isn’t paying much attention to the bits you find unattractive!) Another advantage of this position is that it makes for the deepest penetration possible, which is another deeply satisfying experience for most men. Unfortunately a rather large number of women feel that the rear entry position makes them into a sex object, which in a way is understandable, since of all the sex positions, this is one where men are likely to get carried away with lust.
Woman on top is a satisfying position for both partners. The woman can control the depth, speed and angle at which her man enters her, which makes her much more likely to have the pleasure of an orgasm during intercourse. And of course she can stimulate herself as she likes during lovemaking, which adds to the chance of her reaching a climax during sex. So why isn’t this position as popular as man on top? I think the answer lies in our preconceived roles of how men and women should act during sex; that is to say, we tend to think the man must lead, initiate and dominate during sex, and the woman must be the “receiving” partner, be less assertive, act more passively, take a more “receptive” role. When a woman’s on top, she has the chance to reverse these roles, to lead and to control the pace of sex; but although this may be exciting once in a while, it may be too much against our established view of sex roles for us to feel comfortable with it if we were to use it all the time. Woman on top therefore remains a treat which couples enjoy from time to time as a variation on the established pattern of sex.
So man on top sex remains the favorite sex position of almost everyone – despite what people claim in surveys! It’s certainly a very satisfying experience for both partners, and as I mentioned above it is indeed the sex position which most couples use more often than any other. Why? Well, it’s very easy to get into, it’s relaxing for the woman, who can enjoy the sense of her man entering her and making love, there’s lots of opportunity for eye contact, plenty of bodily contact and usually deep penetration, and there’s also the romance and pleasure of kissing. For the man, there is the satisfaction of deep penetration, powerful thrusts, and perhaps a slight sense of dominance over his partner – I suspect this is important to many men, and it allows the woman in turn to enjoy a sense of being dominated by a loved and trusted partner. To sum this up – it feels good for both the man and the woman! And of course in some variations of the man on top position, it is possible to see the most intimate details of your lovemaking, so you can enjoy seeing the most intimate connection between you and your partner. For many a man, there’s no better moment in sex than that of pushing into his partner in the man on top position, watching her reaction as she feels the wonderful sensation of being so intimately connected to her partner, of being “taken” by her lover. There’s a profundity to this connection which defies words, and in my opinion man on top sex fulfils some very basic and deep instincts for both men and women. It brings out the masculine in men, and the feminine in women – in short, it reinforces our sexual sense of self.
Perhaps the greatest thing about man on top is the deep connection that can develop between a couple. One drawback is that the deep penetration and pelvic thrusts open to a man can make him reach his orgasm quickly, though this can be controlled if a couple slow down the pace of sex for a while to allow his arousal to drop. Once in a while a couple may agree to have a quickie, a session of lovemaking where the man just goes for his pleasure, with the agreement and support of his partner – a no-frills session of lovemaking, which satisfies his deep urges and allows him to enjoy himself without the need for much foreplay. This is a very satisfying thing for men, and if a couple can build this into their love life, it may encourage the man to spend time romancing and seducing his partner in the way she likes the next time they make love.
Side by side positions for sex are very much about slow, romantic, gentle lovemaking. They allow the partners to gaze into each other’s eyes, to have full body contact, and to enjoy the most intimate connection without the man reaching his orgasm too quickly. If you’re not already incorporating side by side sex into your lovemaking, why not start with the basic side by side position? Start making love in the man on top position and then roll over (without the man coming out of his partner), and you should be able to get yourself into a relaxing position on your sides. gentle lovemaking can then continue for as long as you like! You can talk, caress, rest and resume, going on for as long as you wish, until you both reach a very satisfying orgasm. And since either he or she can stimulate her clitoris, this might even be be a simultaneous orgasm – an experience well worth seeking out, as it’s more intense than coming separately.
You can see much more information on all these sex positions, and many more, on the excellent website Sex Techniques and Positions, and another superb website about intimate relationships called Sex and Relationships. It’s well worth having a look at these websites if you’d like to know how to expand your sex life!